Saturday, June 7, 2008

The Search continues…..

The search has many meanings. Each meaning becomes clear with the passage of time. The greed of reaching a stage in life where the purpose is not only well defined but achieved as well. The true meaning of words spoken by fellow passengers in this journey called life is deceptive. I have struggled to decipher the hidden meanings of words people close to me speak and I must confess that most of the times I have failed.

I go deep in a shell and end up making a cocoon on my personality. The scared individual refuses to come out of this cocoon. The thick shell of the cocoon fossilizes and hardens to the extent that I suffocate and an artificial personality is visible to the world.

The real “me” is lost in the maze called words and actions. I hate myself for being influenced by the words and actions of the people with whom I am forced to interact, day in and day out. I look for independence from this impediment in my life. The influences make me shed blood and tears. None is visible but I know that one day I shall be, once again, ashamed of my weakness for being influenced by such acts of cowardice and deceit.

I wish I could wait for the inevitable and stop shedding a part of my soul day after day. It should happen once and not every moment when I am forced to cover myself in anticipation of an invisible assault. The scars on the soul are permanent and pain exists forever.

My efforts to become a content person have failed, as I do not know the meaning of being content.

Shall I give up the fight? No way! Very few people are incorrigibly optimists. I am one of them.

So, the effort for this search continues.


poemsnpuja said...

even i want to search for you...kahan gaayab ho gaye hain aap?

Faceless Maverick said...

kahin nahi gaya.
bas thoda sa busy ho gaya tha.
jab tabiyat kharab ho to kambakht likhnay ka bhi man nahi karta.